4th of November

Today is the 3rd anniversary of CD's death. So many questions and no answers. I remember the day so clearly. It was Wednesday 5 November 2003 and I did not attend uni. as I did not have any classes. At approximately 3:30pm, I received a phone call from the course coordinator. For a second I thought I had done something wrong. He delivered the news that CD "took his life" yesterday, Tuesday 4 November 2003 which also happened to be Melbourne Cup day. Silence. I didn't know how to respond but I desperately wanted to break the silence so I said, "You're kidding right?" knowing fully well that he wasn't. More silence. I wanted to ask why and how but I knew that he wouldn't have the answers. The silence (although only a few seconds long, felt like eternity) was too long for both of us so he broke the silence by saying words to the effect that uni. was on as per usual tomorrow but special arrangements would be made.

I couldn't sleep that night and ended up sitting on my bed in the dark most of the night repeatedly listening to Celine Dion's "A New Day Has Come". I shed a few tears which surprised me given that I didn't really know CD. CD was a member of our mock legal office of 5, he worked at the desk next to mine. He hardly ever attended classes and was extremely quiet when he did. He kept to himself like no one I've known to-date and hardly ever spoke to anyone. We all thought he was just trying to be cool. In hindsight, perhaps these were the early warning signs that he was unhappy. On a late night outing with his mates a few weeks before his suicide, he was involved in a brawl outside a bar. He suffered lacerations to his head which required switches. I guess it all contributed to his final decision. How he died is something that his family never disclosed. However, I have been told by my colleagues that he hung himself.

I remembered that he had the best looking signature and I'm glad that I did manage to have a rather meaningful conversation with him one day after class. I learnt that he had done quite a bit of travelling for someone his age. He had a passion for skiing and had worked in the ski fields in Aspen, Colorado. He told me that he wants to be a media lawyer in America. He loves America, especially Chicago. I told him that I preferred New York although I've never been to either cities. We debated why OUR city was better and eventually agreed to meet one day in America.

CD, a life cut short for reasons I would never know. Rest in peace.